This is Just to Say That I'm Tired of Sharing an Apartment With William Carlos Williams

Will, you are a dick. You're goddamn right I was saving those plums for breakfast.

Fine, it's not like they're my favorite food in the world, but I mean, they're a seasonal fruit, you scumbag. Buy your own food for a change. All you do is sit around the house all day writing about red wheelbarrows and junk.

This is like the millionth time I've come home to an empty fridge. And no, leaving a note does not cut it anymore. I don't care if you put one of your idiotic poems on there. I grind my fingers to the bone all day. I'm a stenographer—that's serious work. I type over 250 words per minute!

So begins a humorous bit on the always humorous McSweeney's.