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From the piece...
If Your First Novel Will Be A Quirky Woman's Story From Someone Else's Point Of View
[A CHILD-CARE-RELATED TRANSITIVE VERB]ing [THE NAME OF YOUR PATERNAL GRANDMOTHER]
If Your First Novel Will Be A Quirky Man's Story From His Own Point Of View
[THE FIRST NAME OF YOUR MATERNAL GRANDFATHER] Reads The Works Of [CLASSIC AUTHOR]
If Your First Novel Will Be A Miserable Story Of One Person's Suffering
My [A FRAGILE OBJECT] Is [A WORD THAT MEANS "BROKEN"]
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